If you want to be a more conscientious listener, try embracing nature, says Ciara Feely, an author and sales mindset speaker.
“Go out into nature, whether it’s in the middle of the country or in the middle of the city, because nature is everywhere,” she says. “It’s wonderful to hear birds, but maybe you’re also observing flowers or trees. Take a minute to slow down and be present in that moment and ask yourself, ‘What am I seeing? What am I hearing?’ It really does help the brain to be able to tune in and block out the noise that is happening around you.”
Feely, who works with sales leaders and their teams around the world to win business by developing better relationships with their clients, says it important to ask great questions and really listen to the answers.
“That is a skill that definitely takes practice,” she says. “Listening is something that I became very conscious of and aware of about eight, nine years ago. I’m still trying to get better at it, but the more I learn about listening, the more I realize that there’s so much more to learn. Being a more conscientious listener takes time and practice.”
We caught up with Feely to discuss how to block out noise and how she became a better listener.
Can you share an example of how a meeting professional or an attendee can block out the noise and better tune into the world around them at a conference?
Put away the phone when you’re investing time, energy and money in attending a conference. Be conscious of being present. The phone is a distraction, and our brains are naturally designed to be drawn to distractions. It’s like a muscle—we need to train it to keep pulling ourselves back and say, “OK, I’m here now. I’m going to make the most of it.”
A lot of people are shy at conferences, and maybe they would really appreciate someone walking up and talking to them, but instead you might be on your phone. So just be conscious of that—be aware, look around, and it’s amazing how you attract conversations once you seem open to having conversations. And in conversation, be curious about the other person and help to make the conversation about them. Developing that natural curiosity is a great way to distract yourself from the noise that’s around you.
But most of all, I think we need to be kind to ourselves. We need to realize, “OK, it’s normal that I’m feeling distracted.” Just bring yourself back into the moment when that happens.
Can you tell us about an impactful moment that helped you personally become a more effective listener?
My husband Michael had a very serious accident. He fell off a three-story roof and was in hospital. For a number of days, his hemoglobin levels were seriously low. Michael is a vegetarian, and he was advised that the only option was a blood transfusion, which he was very much against. He knew there were risks, but he just didn’t want someone else’s blood in his system.
Our boys were age five, and I told Michal that if he wanted to be home for Christmas, he had to have that blood transfusion. I was only taking the advice of the nurses and the doctors. I really wasn’t listening to my husband. He took my hand—he was lying so helpless in the bed—looked me in the eyes and said, “Ciara, don’t let them do this to me.” I said, “OK, Michael, we’re going to do this together, and I'll find another way.
I’m pretty good at asking questions, so I got on the phone to people I know, including my sister-in-law, a doctor. She said, “Before this accident, Michael was really healthy, he was strong and fit, but if his hemoglobin levels go any lower, he’ll be in the danger zone. Get the right kind of food, the right kind of nutrition and iron into him.” So Michael had been taking iron supplements for two days and I called our fishmonger and said, “I need the richest fish that you have with the highest levels of protein.” She said that was a specific cut from the spine of the tuna and oysters. So in I went to the hospital with my tuna and oysters. He feasted on them for two days and immediately looked better. We got a text on Christmas Eve that his blood levels were up over eight and he could go home.
That was my listening moment. I hadn’t been listening to Michael because I just wanted to take the advice of the nurses and the doctors, and I didn’t open myself up to other opportunities. That can happen so much in life. That was the time that I really tuned into the need to get better at listening.
